Why does a husband shout at his wife psychology

Family quarrels and constant conflicts with her husband: how should a wife behave if her husband is constantly screaming?

When adults get married, they should understand that family life can be controversial and quarrelsome. Without them, the development of a couple is, in principle, unlikely. Different upbringing, different social status, habits formed in childhood and adolescence, approach to raising children, moral values ​​and outlook on life can become the reasons for serious quarrels and conflicts.

The beginning of quarrels and screams of the husband

Suddenly strong feelings can connect completely different people. But, after some time, “one thing, then another” begins to interfere in the process of living together. There are situations in life in which the husband and wife are used to behaving differently. If conflict situations sometimes happen in your family, but you and your spouse hear each other, always find a solution that suits both parties without turning to insults, you do not need to worry - in the dispute (and quarrels) you have every chance of finding the truth. The ability to find a compromise helps to maintain a healthy family environment and a supportive atmosphere in the family.

Rather, are you willing to accept this relationship model? Do you want to keep your family together? If so, how to resist screams and scandals? You may find our tips and tricks helpful.

Why is the husband yelling at his wife? Looking for reasons

If the husband's behavior has changed a lot, he cannot restrain himself in a conflict situation, he constantly shouts, breaks down for any reason, try to understand why the quarrels begin. To do this, go back to the very beginning, analyze what you said or did before the corresponding reaction followed. Do not blame yourself in any way, here it is important just to find the "seed" from which the quarrel grew.

The reasons for the screams of the husband can be:

• problems at work;
• alcohol, drugs, gambling;
• psychological stress;
• fading of feelings;
• low self-esteem;
• age-related irritability;
• hereditary scenario.

If your loving and caring spouse suddenly starts screaming, it is possible that something is bothering him. He may have problems at work or financial difficulties that he cannot tell you about. Aggressive behavior can be caused by alcohol or drug use. Gambling addicts, alcoholics and drug addicts (if they cannot get what they need) behave inappropriately, too aggressively, splashing out feelings of guilt and dissatisfaction on those closest to them. If you are sure that all of the above reasons have nothing to do with your situation with your husband, then most likely the roots of your problem today are in the past.

If your husband grew up in a family where screaming was in the order of things, where the father and mother only resolved family conflicts and disputes in this way, he does not even imagine another scenario of behavior. Most often, a man repeats his father's pattern of behavior unconsciously, even if in childhood he himself suffered from such a relationship and promised himself never to behave this way with his family in the future.

Read on the topic How do life scenarios from childhood affect adult relationships?

The husband constantly shouts: what to do?

If you got inside this "mess", and even firmly mired in a model of relationships where you are a woman who constantly endures her husband's screams, it will not be easy to get out and radically change the situation. Any deviation from your humble behavior will be perceived as rebellion and will further anger your spouse. So that the regular screams of your husband do not lead to more dire consequences, start to act gradually. Below are some guidelines. Their basis is constructive work on yourself and your emotions, since you will hardly be able to "remake" your husband, your main key is your personal behavior.

So, to tame your screaming husband, try:

• not be the initiator of conflicts;
• do not focus your husband's attention on household trifles and do not "cut" if he (in your opinion) earns little or pays you insufficient attention;
• do not raise your voice or develop conflict (hold back, even if you have something to say, but you understand the consequences of your "excuses");
• listen to complaints calmly and with restraint (it is not necessary to immediately rush to do everything point by point, but you cannot ignore this situation);
• solve problems in a calm conversation (after the husband calms down, try again to speak out all the accumulated claims. Introductory constructions, like "I understood correctly that ...?", "You said that ...", etc., help well. neatly continue the thread of the conversation, but do not turn what was said into a claim);
• do not burden your husband with household chores if he is the only breadwinner and breadwinner and is really tired at work (you do not need to create a scale of his fatigue, just decide once and for all - after work your husband wants to relax a little. “Since he hasn't taken off his shoes yet” or “to quickly wash the dishes” - this will only intensify the emotional background);
• at home, a tired spouse must wait for cleanliness and a delicious dinner (devastation and hunger obviously will not make him calm and satisfied);
• praise him, say that you love and hug him more often (perhaps he lacks your attention or he “dropped out” of family life in the bustle of his life. Be the initiator of warm relations, and do not wait for the first steps on his part - you have a family, not competition to conquer each other);
• analyze every situation, conversation, act that led to a scandal and a quarrel (maybe you missed something and the problem really exists);
• realize that such relationships are not normal and try to change them for the better or break them off;
• turn to a specialist (a psychological approach can greatly simplify work on relationships, but, unfortunately, it is often not easy to understand what to do alone. Try to go to a psychologist's consultation, perhaps the problem is not only that the husband is constantly screaming, and lurks much deeper).

This means that you are a victim in these circumstances. Whatever you do, a spouse who repeats the negative behavior of his father in such circumstances will always have good arguments to bring you to tears and make you guilty.

How to respond to your husband's screams

If all your efforts do not lead to positive results, if your health has worsened from constant quarrels and conflicts, if you have children who have to constantly observe a showdown in raised tones between parents, you should think about how to end this relationship. Everything is simple here: if you feel bad and you are sure that nothing will be fixed, why do you endure and wait for something?

Tears, persuasion and even threats will not help. People don't change if they don't want to.

Only an experienced specialist can often save a family where the husband is screaming and the wife is suffering. It can take years to build relationships. Staying in such a relationship because of financial dependence or for some other reason, women suffer silently in such marriages. They don't share their problems at work or friends. Unfortunately, only a very small percentage of women who are constantly yelled at by their husbands, insulting and humiliating them, decide to end the marriage.

Sometimes this decision is made by women who have been married for 10 years or more. The main motive may be their depression and lack of mental strength and physical health to continue trying to save the marriage.

Read on the topic 10 dangerous and wrong relationships, from which you urgently need to get out

However, do not miss the possibility that your screaming husband himself needs support, his screams and breakdowns at you cause him problems too. The best solution here would be to find a good psychologist to analyze not family, but personal problems of the spouse. It is possible that he is under severe stress due to circumstances that do not concern you in any way.

If you find it difficult to decide to break off relations with your husband, who constantly torments you with screams and scandals, for your own sake, think about your children, about their and their own future. They are doomed to inherit your behavior and suffer in the same way in family relationships. Therefore, if your husband is constantly yelling at you, and all your attempts to “calm down” him are in vain, understand that he will not change, and then you have to choose: endure and suffer or leave and stop suffering once and for all.

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What if my husband is constantly yelling?

In a happy marriage, there is no place for screaming at all - is there not? But why, then, do some husbands raise their voices to their wives, and what should a woman who lives with a noisy spouse do? ..

What to do if the husband yells (and does it often) - the non-trivial female site sympaty.net will tell you.

The husband constantly raises his voice: how to deal with it?

For a person of any gender, a cry is a distress signal: if a person screams, it means that he is very bad, hurt or scared, it means that he has exhausted all constructive ways of communicating and solving a problem. We start yelling if we are not heard at all, and the problem is acute and urgent. We give vent to our emotions by screaming if these very emotions have accumulated a lot - if we were not allowed (or we did not allow ourselves) to "let off steam" on the sly, rest and switch.

Any psychologist will confirm that for an adequate, mentally healthy person who is not in extreme conditions, a cry is justified only in the most extreme cases.

And therefore "Beautiful and Successful" advises to realize that if the husband is constantly yelling and is unhappy with everything, he has a mental problem. The wife should not think on what dish to present halva and marzipans to her padishah today, so that he does not get angry. She must think about how to arrange a meeting between her husband and a psychologist, psychotherapist, and maybe a psychiatrist. And think about whether she is, in principle, capable of living with a person with such a psyche?

The fact is that if the husband is constantly yelling, then it is naive to think that it is he who is yelling now, and then a magician will suddenly arrive in a blue helicopter, and from an uncontrolled psychopath, this man will turn into an adequate person who solves all problems through ordinary conversations without a promotion vote. Will not turn. Or it will not be for long - for example, if you categorically threaten him with divorce.

Such husbands absolutely do not respect the feelings of their wives, while they are around, while they behave like helpless victims, humbly accepting any screams and discontent at their own expense. But as soon as the wife decides that she has had enough, pack her bags and go to her mother, then yesterday's disgruntled aggressor will come running to beg forgiveness, swear and swear that he understood everything and will no longer be ... If you forgive him and return, then some time he will restrain himself, but everything will return to normal as soon as he feels that the woman is sufficiently attached to him and is ready to endure the Op.

And yes, you should not consider it a significant argument that once, at the beginning of your relationship, this man was not like that, did not shout, seemed to be quite balanced. The fact is that after all, a strong love for some time has a beneficial effect on people with mental disorders - they can control themselves and seem absolutely normal. But the further, the less often there will be "light gaps" - so think ten times whether you really want to spend your life with this person.

How to behave if your spouse yells at you?

Let's talk about how to solve the problem “my husband is yelling at me” at the very moment when he is yelling. How to behave?

You have every right to behave in such a way as to protect yourself as much as possible - emotionally, psychologically and physically. Leaving without listening to the shout is normal! It's up to you how far and how long to go - for ten minutes to another room, or for an hour on the street, or spend the night with relatives or a friend. Your task is to protect your psyche, and not to calm the male tantrum.

Yes, he will be offended. Perhaps he will consider you a bad and inattentive wife. But understand that a good wife for a constantly screaming husband is an unrequited sacrifice. Better be a bad wife, but not a victim!

“Mirroring” and yelling in response to your spouse is not worth it - you will not come to a consensus, there will be no peace of mind in the relationship, you will only exhaust your nerves once again.

But what about thinking about why the husband is yelling at his wife - maybe you are really doing something wrong, maybe he has objective reasons to be dissatisfied? But in fact, too strong reflection on this topic will not be useful either. If only because if this is not an isolated case in your relationship, but a regular practice, it means that you are “bad” so much that, in principle, you cannot (and should not!) Adapt to all the requirements of this man and please him in everything. The rule of "starting with yourself" will not bring good results when you are facing an aggressive, unrestrained person who has completely different ideas about life than you do. To adapt to it - doesn't it mean losing yourself, giving up your individuality and devaluing your personal ideas about “how good” and “how it should be”?

Start with your husband. Tell him very directly that you do not want to listen to him when he raises his voice, but you are ready to talk about everything and discuss everything quietly and without yelling. Say that you deserve not to be yelled at - not because you are some arrogant princess, but because it is a natural human right not to be subjected to psychological violence and to protect yourself from it. Indicate your actions in case he continues to yell - you leave, you won't listen, you want to leave. Yes, this is an ultimatum - but without ultimatums you cannot get out of the position of a defenseless victim!

If you are valuable to your husband and loved by him, he must reconsider his behavior and stop yelling. But life shows that people who are rarely prone to screaming and aggression change seriously and for a long time - so we advise you to really seriously consider whether to keep this marriage ...

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The husband constantly insults, shouts and humiliates - what to do?

Have you found yourself in a situation where your husband constantly insults you, shouts at you, humiliates you - and you don’t know what to do about it? The situation is really very difficult. It would seem that he is the person who should be the closest to you, and who causes you maximum pain and suffering. How to fix it?

After all, every woman wants to be behind her man, trust him, and be confident in him. And to know that the husband will not insult and humiliate - even if her wife was in something wrong. This is a normal relationship, and a relationship with constant abuse and squabbles is beyond the bounds, and requires some kind of solution.

What is the reason that my husband constantly insults and humiliates?

Let's figure out what caused this disastrous situation. First of all, you need to ask yourself a question: did these insults begin unexpectedly and recently, or has it been happening for a long time, and you simply did not notice it?

If humiliation and screaming began unexpectedly (although the probability is very small, almost zero) - then think about what happened in your life, what changes, that he began to behave like this with you? Was there some external reason that might not even be related to you? Maybe some kind of event, incident? This can give you a clue to the situation.

If you can't remember, then we take the scruff of the husband who has strayed from the hands, and bring him to an honest conversation - we ask openly, what is the reason for such a sharp change in behavior? Maybe he will even answer you something intelligible.

But this is rather an exception. In fact, 99% of the time a husband starts screaming and insulting his wife, it doesn't happen overnight. This is preceded by a long "preparation" on the part of both spouses.

Why did your husband start yelling at you?

What do I mean by "preparation"? Any relationship is a responsibility. And the responsibility of both one spouse and the other. This is an indisputable fact, and it will have to be accepted.

And now, since we accept it, let's figure out what is your responsibility in this situation? After all, it is not you who insult and humiliate, but your husband shouts at you! It seems like you are the victim of this situation, not the aggressor.

Do you know what is your compatibility with a man?

To find out, click on the button just below.

click and find out

That's right, only does this awareness of being a victim help you? I am afraid it is not. At best, the situation remains the same - the husband continues his antics, and you endure, or it gets worse and worse every day (and maybe a divorce is just around the corner).

But, returning to your responsibility. One question that can help you understand the situation: why do you let him shout at you, humiliate you? Yes, what right does he have to do this, and why do you tolerate such behavior?

Why do you tolerate this behavior?

You can only do what you are allowed to do. And your husband understands very clearly - if he shouts at you, he will get away with it. Maybe you will be upset, maybe you will cry or even throw a tantrum, but then everything will return to normal. You will swallow the resentment, and continue to cook him borscht, give him sex, and whatever he needs. Everything is fine - the man behaved unworthily, and you endured. Why are you doing it?

After all, it didn’t start from a flounder bay. Most likely, once upon a time, he raised his voice at you, or somehow humiliated you. Remember if there were such situations in the past? And you endured then, kept silent. It is very important to remember such moments from the past.

And what happened next? The man very quickly realized that he can insult and humiliate you without hindrance, and he will not meet with resistance. He caught the "algorithm", and decided - it is okay when he behaves like the last bastard. After all, nothing changes - he yelled at you, but you endured.

It is quite possible that this manifested itself in some small things, and not in a big quarrel. You have endured - he understood that it is possible. Further on ascending. His behavior became worse and worse, and you continued to be a resigned sheep.

Or another option - you threw tantrums at him, also shouted and swore - but at the same time continued to do some standard actions for him - cook, wash, and so on. And what is your screams to him? Well, she screamed and calmed down?

You can't stand it when a man insults and humiliates you.

The first rule of a wife in marriage should be: "in no case should you tolerate misconduct and unworthy behavior of your husband!" This is a rule of thumb and you must adhere to it.

If your husband is behaving inappropriately, even in small things, you should not tolerate it and put up with it. Then he will know very clearly - when I behave correctly, I get bonuses, and when I behave like this, it will be very unpleasant for me.

Only in this case a man learns to behave with dignity and respect his wife.

Moreover, not to tolerate means not to tolerate. It means to arrange an atomic war, to make hell seem like a cozy place to him, compared to the situation when he dared to behave unworthily with you. You just have to arrange so that such situations do not recur again.

Remember the main thing - your behavior means a lot to a man, but if there is no harmony at the level of signs, then the relationship will be very tense. It is highly desirable to find out the exact compatibility of your particular zodiac sign with a man's sign. This can be done by clicking on the button just below:

click and find out

How to fix a situation when she has already gone very far

What I have described for women who are deeply immersed in destructive relationships will be very difficult to do. After all, certain relations have already been established, certain rules of the game have been established. Your husband regularly insults you, yells at you and humiliates you - you swallow everything. And if you behave differently than usual, it will amaze him.

Yes, it won't be easy, but how else? It is best to make such a scandal on any next similar occasion - and bring it to such a point in order to kick him out of the house. Literally. So that the husband goes to spend the night somewhere else, and so that he realizes that this will not work with you anymore.

If you do this, then there is a chance that he will realize something and will begin to correct himself. Just keep in mind that you can't just accept him back if he doesn't do anything to apologize. Deeds are atoned for by actions, and not by words-assurances that he will no longer yell at you and humiliate you.

If a man wants, he will definitely do something for you, and will try to return your affection. If not - and he doesn't even try, then why do you need such a husband?

conclusions

Understand a simple thing: the situation will not improve by itself, it will not get better. You need to ask yourself a question: what can I do so that my husband does not insult and humiliate me anymore? How can I lead myself to stop this hell?

If you ask yourself these questions, then you will be on the right track. After all, crying and suffering is possible, and sometimes it is really useful, but life is corrected only by concrete actions. By your actions.

Therefore, try to pull yourself together - and start acting. Plan everything, if you want - even write it down, and think about how you will behave in the next inappropriate behavior of your husband. And go for it!

If you don't take action, things will only get worse and worse. And time is not eternal. And you will waste a lot of time in your life for senseless suffering for the sake of a person who will only be - that offend and humiliate you.

But if you realize your responsibility and start doing something in the direction of improvement, it is quite possible that the situation will change for the better, or be resolved.

If you want to be with your beloved man, you need to figure out if you are compatible by your zodiac sign?

Find out the exact compatibility with a man - by clicking on the button just below:

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Husband constantly screams for any reason - Psychology - Family relationships

And why did you decide that it is possible with you, for what, for what, you were born and live to suffer, not allow yourself to have your own opinion, desires, give up your aspirations, constantly make excuses? For what, why, why are you so with yourself? Tolerance of such negativity is a destructive position that, in addition to psychological (personal destruction), can cause real physical illnesses. You are young and beautiful, you should enjoy life, the attitude of a man. Each person determines for himself the conditions of a happy life, the limits of patience, the rules for dealing with oneself. You must decide for yourself once and for all whether to be a justifiable sacrifice all your life or to become a self-sufficient, happy woman. We meet and marry a man to feel his love, support, confidence that we are the best. If the relationship began to deteriorate, it means that something was wrong in them initially, there is not enough mutual respect, support, sincerity, understanding, openness. The family is the rear, an island of happiness, a quiet coast, but ... not at such a price, when you completely put yourself in dependence on the mood, rules, principles of your husband, you live with caution, fears, a sense of guilt and are not happy. Harmonious couples discuss all issues, make decisions together, compromise, see, and also support and develop positive qualities in each other, appreciate, respect, rejoice in the person, miss him, protect, accept him as he is, knowing at the same time and about negative traits, not focusing on them, not looking for them. The union of loving people is the focus of trust, comfort, warmth, security, tenderness and attention to each other, here partners do not assert themselves at the expense of each other, do not compete, do not prove anything, do not manipulate. The husband offends you, expresses dissatisfaction, reproaches, requires certain behavior. But this is his vision of the situation, relationships, the role of a woman. He wants to make you an ideal wife in his mind - flexible, non-objectionable, doing everything as he wants. Then what he feels for you cannot be unequivocally called love, because love is unconditional, it does not accept conditions, boundaries and barriers at all, this is a feeling that makes a person happy, whole, it is not necessary and not possible to beg, as well as respect , attention, warmth. It is not possible and it is not necessary to constantly adapt to other people's standards, to meet someone's requirements. You do not have to make excuses, ask, prove that you are good to anyone, neither to him, nor even more so to yourself. You are in no way at all to blame. If you agree with him, keep quiet, endure, then in this way you give him a subconscious signal that it is possible with you, that you will forgive and you will be with him anyway, that you are guilty and want to improve, that your interests, principles, desires are not important (Why should you devalue yourself?). But in any situation there is always a role for both partners: they behave with us the way we admit, even if we do not act, this is also a certain signal, also a type of reaction, also a choice. That is, both of you came to this situation on an equal footing. Understand that with a woman there is always that man whom she allows to be, he behaves with her in the same way, appreciates and loves just as much as she appreciates and loves herself. We are with those people whom we allowed. Let's accept what happened as a life experience, free ourselves from the wrong perception of ourselves and negative emotions, fears, anxious expectations, start to become ourselves and realize our value as a person, a beautiful woman. No situation is given to us without the strength, ways, opportunities to survive it and move on. Think about everything that has happened and is happening to you now - emotions, desires, do you feel necessary, better, happy. Build your life and relationship with a man in accordance with your plans, desires, ideas of happiness. Learn to appreciate, love, respect yourself, expressing this in actions towards yourself (and not in demonstrative resentments, for example) in the same way people will treat you. Always remember that you are very good, clever and beautiful, deserve to be loved and happy, recognized, adored and respected, without doing anything specifically for this, not deserving, but simply because you are just that! Feel this way from now on, and keep it that way. Your man, with all his behavior, attitude, offends, accuses you, cannot accept you completely, which means he himself has psychological problems, so he asserts himself at your expense and the more often he does this, the stronger his self-doubt, inability to cope with it, fear of being abandoned , unjustly offended, not accepted. This is not your fault. These character traits have been formed since childhood, just now they have begun to manifest themselves more strongly. He will not be able to overcome the problem on his own, he is not aware of it, even if you say, he will categorically deny, you yourself will not be able to radically influence his character and behavior, because you can change another person only if he wants to and starts working on himself. So far, you are probably reacting as he expects, in your own way, "obey and obey", also performing his duties, and he understands that you can be controlled. Whether you will continue with him, will part, whether you will go to a psychologist together - it is up to you to decide. If you wait for him to understand and begin to meet you halfway, waste your time - men are far from guessing our thoughts, desires, feelings, they need to say everything, explain, they live by logic, and not sensory, like we do. You have something to think about. Design your relationship with rules that will suit both of you and make both of you happier. If the second partner refuses to change something in himself, in the relationship, rests and oppresses his line, despite the fact that this causes suffering to a loving person, then this is also a problem for both, then the second allows him to be treated like that. The result is always negative - sliding into eternal quarrels, isolation or separation. Let me remind you that the state will oblige him to worry about his children financially; alimony can be filed without divorce. But first, you need to get out of the usual stereotype, sit down at the negotiating table and start working together to develop acceptable behaviors for both. Talk to him very seriously, calmly, confidently, not from the position of a justifying and defensive victim, but from the position of a mature personality. Openness and frankness are the key to the harmony of couples. Let him understand that everything is serious, that it will not be the same as before. You will be able to negotiate and develop acceptable models of interaction if there are still feelings between you. Believe me, everything will fall into place as soon as you start to treat yourself with care and respect - love yourself, appreciate your thoughts, actions, decisions, your opinion, time, desires, appearance, goals. Themselves in any conditions, maintain your psychological integrity, never dissolve in a person and a relationship. Do not allow your feeling of happiness, fullness of life to depend on the presence / absence of one person, his opinion, behavior. You should always be interesting to yourself in every sense. It means developing, improving yourself, having your own inner “island of happiness”, which will be your life support and a source of strength and inspiration. That is, do not focus only on relationships, have something of your own, interesting, pleasing, arousing desire and an incentive to always be "in good shape". Be good to yourself first and foremost. Become your main value, an object of effort, a life guide, you are worth it, you will never leave yourself, do not offend, do not betray. Believe in yourself, everything will be fine with you, do not be afraid - live with these thoughts. Whether a person is happy or not depends on what he thinks about this - let yourself be whatever you want. Think about everything, make a decision and start creating your own world, life, relationships according to your ideas of happiness. Never expect that someone will make you happy, add everything that is missing yourself - emotions, joyful events, small holidays, delights, meetings, traditions, words, drive and positive, you have every right. Everything is possible. Think, act. Everything will be fine with you, no matter with or without this person. This is a very short answer. If you have any questions, want to clarify the situation, get answers, sort out everything, write to the chat, I will be happy to help, support, show a professional view and solutions. Good luck, love and harmony with yourself. I will be grateful for the assessment of the answer.